Former soldier reflects on trauma and guilt from Afghanistan deployment in Helmand Province

At the beginning of Johannes Bollmann’s first deployment to Afghanistan, he was hopeful, proud, and idealistic. However, much changed after he arrived at the Armadillo camp. A sudden realization struck him: “Now I am going to die. I won’t make it out of here.” This thought was unprecedented for him.

Bollmann, a former soldier and current theology student, had two deployments as a language officer. In 2010, he was part of a team in Helmand Province, where some of the fiercest fighting occurred during the Danish military’s involvement in Afghanistan, resulting in five soldiers dead and 74 injured.

“I knew we were heading into a fierce war zone, but you tend to suppress that fear to maintain hope,” he shared. The conflict was brutal, and the soldiers were far from home, facing dangerous and complex tasks alongside an ever-present awareness of the risks.

The significant danger came from mines placed by the Taliban. One morning, a devastating explosion near the camp led to a life-altering experience for Bollmann: a little girl, severely injured from the blast, was brought to the camp. “She would not have stepped on that mine if we hadn’t been there,” he said, highlighting the tragic innocence of war’s victims.

After returning home, Bollmann grappled with PTSD and feelings of guilt for the events he witnessed. As a language officer, he was the link to the Afghan populace, bearing the weight of promises made for their safety. Years later, while studying theology, he recognized this moral injury as a profound source of his distress.

Now nearing the completion of his studies, Bollmann aspires to become a field priest, hoping to support others facing similar struggles during and after deployment.